Sunday, March 4, 2012

Vern's Car is Not A Car at All (And Many Other Dizzying Revelations)

Vern’s Volvo is exactly that- Vern’s. The car he has been driving for twenty years is his, so therefore that is his car. Something like a Volvo does not mean anything until there is someone (some human with the concept of the idea of property) to claim ownership of the object.

The thought is that the physical thing and the idea of it are unrelated to one another. The physical thing is wholly dependent on what the idea is, but it is not vice versa (which is why the heap of parts is not his car). Whatever Vern thought was his car, is his car. This is because it is not important what the thing is but what a person perceives it as. The person puts the importance on the thing, because in the beginning it was us that began cataloguing, labeling, and naming everything.

The reason the heap of parts is not his car is because he does not think it is his car. Even if those things were originally the Volvo it no longer is because as soon as they were taken out of his car, it was no longer part of it. This is because Vern’s car is not actually the physical thing, it is what he thinks his car is.

Perception is reality because these ideas and names and groupings and phylums and grades and levels all came out of the human mind. Idea of ownership never occurred to the single-celled amoebas while they were in the sulfur baths. It came around the time of human development. To us, the idea of something is much more important than the actual thing.

This comes from abstract ideas like love, power, and hate. These things have nothing tangible attached to them. You cannot point to an object and say that it is ‘Love’. Love is not a physical thing. It is an idea that has emotions, actions, and symbols attached to it. This shows, to humans, that the thought is more important than the object.

When Vern first bought the Volvo he had the idea that it was his car. As he drove it off the lot it was his. When he went to the gas station it was his. When the alternator fell out and was replaced the car was still his. Vern isn’t thinking to himself that he is no longer driving his car, and that is his reality.

That is why if Grace makes a new car, it is still not Vern’s. The only thing that would change that is if Vern began driving that car around and calling it his own. But the car is not his until he himself attaches ownership to it. That would be an entirely different car. It could be Grace’s car if she wanted. It is all about the idea.

With this line of thinking Vern’s Volvo had never changed. Even though the physical thing is totally different from its original state, his thoughts toward the car are still the same. Perception is the reality.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Flaws in my System

I’m at my most introspective while talking to my father. On Saturdays before work I’d tentatively knock on the door, waiting for his slumber-ridden answer that would allow me into his room. There I would sit on the arm of his favorite leather chair and prop my feet on the side of the bed.
“How are you, sweetheart?”
Yes; I am a daddy’s girl.
I nod as an answer most of the times. Others I would let out an excited noise that normally formed into a prompt for breakfast. Then there were the times I would shrug and smile weakly. Those were the times he would sit up and clear his throat.
That was when we would talk. For that mere hour I would find out more about myself than I ever would while I was alone.
Most of the times I don’t even know what I’m thinking.
These talks bring out the worst and the best in me. The worst in that I find all those insecurities I had hidden during day to day life, the best that I am a strong enough person to face these insecurities with intention to fix it. Knowing yourself is difficult, but it is the only way you can lead a true fulfilling life
To me, knowing yourself is as important to knowing how to walk. The more you understand what you want; the more you choices and decisions in life will benefit you. Knowing yourself is not like knowing what ice cream you prefer, although it is somewhat similar. Knowing yourself means knowing how you feel about eating the ice cream, or how remorseful you are after some delicious mint chocolate chip. If you have an acute awareness of your feelings, your deepest thoughts, you'd know how you react to scenarios in life. If only it was easier said than done.

A few of my weaknesses that first come to mind would be somewhere along the lines of lazy, slightly irresponsible, na├»ve, and oftentimes I’m unrealistic. All these things to me seem rather superficial to me. They stem from a deeper, broader weakness. All these things derive from, like every insecurity, a small doubt hidden in the folds of my self esteem. Oftentimes I don't put in effort because I can see myself failing. Leave things until the last minute because I can't see the point in doing them, especially if I wouldn't do well on it anyway.
My low self esteem in certain parts of my personality has a lot to do with past issues that I am always working towards getting over. Dealing with the idea of ‘what does it even matter’ is actually rather difficult. Oftentimes when I am thinking this it is hard to also say, ‘but let’s keep trying’. So, I set up in advance. If I’m up to it, which is definitely no that often, I do my homework early and when I am prepared to. I schedule out my day (which doesn’t work) and I try to have a positive attitude (see former). Obviously none of these attacks have been helping my weakness, seeing as I am typing this blog only an hour and a half before it is do. It doesn’t hurt to try though, right?

After a little bashing of myself, it is nice to think over my strengths; something I don’t tend to focus on. Thinking now, it is quite difficult to pick it out of all of my ‘faults’. I, like many people, am very hard on myself. After mulling over for a while I can definitely come up with something.
My curiosity and love for knowledge is my greatest strength. It sets me apart from others in such a way that I am in disbelief that someone could be interested in only one thing. Learning is a passion of mine and I am constantly finding how much I benefit from my thirst. I can relate to everyone from space nerds to sports fanatics. It gives me a limitless source of creativity in everything I do. It gives me a love for life that I often find unmatched among others.

Writing your thoughts on the subject of you is probably the most difficult thing to try and put into words. It has to do with acknowledging you as a whole, not just some abstract idea that interacts with other people. you don’t consider yourself to be a person the way you view the people around you. You praise and ridicule these people, but I don’t think you view yourself in the same way. Your views on yourself manifest into feelings and issues. When you think you look good one day you feel great. When an important flaw is pointed out in your skill set you feel awful and angry. These feelings are more difficult to find the roots to. Once you find where these feelings come from it is even more difficult to put them into words.